I always do

　　Two motorists stopped head-on on a bridge too narrow for their cars to pass.
　　"I never back up for an idiot." said one driver angrily.
　　"I always do." replied the other as he shifted into reverse.

In a Second

　　A man goes to church and starts talking to God.
　　He asks, " God, what is a million dollars to you?" and God aswers," A penny."
　　Then the man says, " God, what is a million years to you?" and God says, " A second."
　　Then the man says, " God, can I have a penny?" and Gods says, " In a second. "

关键看导师是谁

　　兔子在写论文，狼走过来，问兔子在写什么？
　　兔子说，我在写论文《论兔子怎么打败狼》
　　狼大笑：哈哈哈哈哈，可能吗，你的论据呢？
　　兔子指著背后的山洞：论据在里面呢！
　　狼不相信，就走进山洞。
　　一阵惨叫后，兔子走进山洞，看到狮子在剔牙
　　兔子说：老师，怎么样了？
　　狮子冷笑道：这个世界，写论文要什么他妈的论据啊，关键看导师是谁！

儿童节笑话

　　提前祝岁数不大，心眼挺少的小朋友六一快乐！
　　放纵一下吧，别憋着了!知道你们平常装大人挺辛苦，过节了，想吃手就吃手，想尿床就尿床，谁管咱咱就咬谁！

Twenty dollars

“I'm sorry ，Madam ，but I shall have to charge you twenty dollars for pulling your boy's tooth .”
“Twenty dollars! Why，I understand you to say that you charged only four dollars for such work!”
“Yes ，but this youngster yelled so terribly that he scared four other patients out of the office .”

人工呼吸

　　医院的树阴下，一对情人在拥抱接吻。
　　一个医生看见了，过去对那男的说：“你真糊涂，施行人工呼吸，应该把她平放在地上才行，走开,让我来。”

The plural form of "child"

Teacher: What is the plural of man, Tom?
Tom: Men.
Teacher: Good. And the plural of child?
Tom: Twins.